Arianna Answers All

Archive for May, 2009

So, on request of my mother (who knew the woman had a sick sense of humor), I posted Santa up on auction at eBay. To my utter suprise, poor Santa has no bids. I thought there would be at least one person on eBay with some perverse sense of humor, but apparently not. I did get message from one eBayer asking me if it really was a whatchamacallit. I politely said no, and there was no bid after that. I still shiver at the thought.

Feel free to check out the ad. I had tons of fun writing it.

Curiously Shaped Plastic Blow mold Santa light – RARE!

And, yes these are truly called Blow Mold. Blow molding is a process used to produce hollow objects from thermoplastic. Many of the plastic Christmas decorations back in the day were made using this process. Santa was made by the Empire Plastics Company, who manufactured Christmas decorations from 1967-1978. I’m thinking Santa is a product of the 60′s, myself.

So you get a chuckle as well as a piece of useless Christmas Decoration trivia. How awesome is that?

Take care!

Arianna (who is off to see if she can find an eBay widget)

Imagine my surprise when someone found this buried in a bunch of boxes in the basement. I really can’t say anymore, so I’ll just let the picture do the talking. Have fun. I nearly peed my pants at the sight. Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” better than… well you get my point. Have fun everyone!

Here’s mine!

You want to put me where???

Keep those captions coming! Remember, the winner gets to pick next week’s weirdness.

*HUGS*
Arianna

So, I attended my local writing group’s mini-retreat last weekend. I brought fudge. It was a roaring success. So, I was only half kidding when I said my next recipe would be Cherry Cheesecake Fudge. Surprisingly enough, I found a recipe. Who would have known you could put two of the most delicious desserts together?

Cherry Cheesecake Fudge

Ingredients

2 3-oz. packages cream cheese, cubed and at room temperature
2 1/2 c. granulated sugar
2/3 c. evaporated milk
3 c. Mini Marshmallows
1 ½ c. dried cherries
12 oz (one bag) white chocolate chips
1/4 cup of butter
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 tsp. almond extract

Directions

Wash 1-2 cups of cherries in lemon juice, pat dry and set aside (no moisture left on them) Place parchment paper or “release” aluminum in a 9 inch pan.

In a large saucepan, combine the butter, sugar, milk, and marshmallows and bring to a rolling boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Boil for five minutes (Or until candy thermometer reaches 234 degrees). Keep stirring! Remove from heat and stir in the cream cheese and chips until smooth and melted.

Add cherries and extracts, stirring well. Pour mixture into pan and let sit at room temperature. When firm, cut into squares to serve.

Optional: Sprinkle the top of the fudge with white or yellow cake mix before the fudge sets. Store in refrigerator (if it lasts that long)

Enjoy!
Arianna

PLEASE FORWARD TO ALL YOUR GROUPS/LOOPS/BLOGS AND WEBSITES! We are very low in all categories, especially the Erotica and Celtic categories.

Enter Celtic Hearts Romance Writers Chapter contest The Golden Claddaugh! Don’t let our chapter name dissuade you, your entry does not have to be Celtic based to enter, unless you enter our Celtic Category. We have six categories, Historical, FF & P, Romantic Suspense, Celtic, Contemporary & Erotic Romance.

Our contest due date is June 1, 2009. Finalists will be notified by July 1, 2009 and winners notified by September 1, 2009.

Visit: http://elizaknight.com/gccontest.aspx to register or follow the directions below.

Eligibility: The competition is open to RWA members and non-members who have not accepted a publishing offer from a non-Subsidy, non-Vanity Publisher (self-published) for any length of fiction in the past five years. Entrant must retain all rights to the entry and not have granted any of them to a publisher or any other party by the contest entry deadline. If your manuscript is accepted for publication during the time of our contest (dates will be specified) you must notify the contest coordinator; your submission(s) will be withdrawn from consideration and your entry fee(s) returned.

Please Note:

Previously entered manuscripts may be entered again, but no previous winning manuscript shall be re-entered, even if revised.

You may submit multiple entries so long as you pay an entry fee and submit a completed entry form for each submission.

You may not enter the same manuscript in more than one category. *Entry fee per entry: $20.00 CHRW member and $25.00 non-member.

Entries are 30 pages maximum with a synopsis no longer than 5 pages, for a total of 35 pages max. All entries are electronic. Entry fee is $20 for CHRW members and $25 for non-members.

Entries should be submitted to Eliza Knight – writer@elizaknight.com.

CHRW reserves the right to discard all electronic entries and return fees if a minimum number of three (3) entries is not received in any category. Entrants will be contacted before the entries are returned and given the option to place their entry in another category. We may also refuse an entry that does not follow the rules stated here in the guidelines.

Pay by Check:

CHRW Treasurer
c/o Ericka Benayad
175 Loring Avenue
Salem, MA 01970

By Paypal: treasurer@celtichearts.org

(You can do this by logging into your Paypal acct. Clicking on “Send Money” Pasting in the below email, and the amount you owe.)

All entries will be read and scored for the first round by two trained judges and one published author. The three entries with the highest total scores in each category will move to the final round. An editor/agent will judge the final round and select a winner from the finalists in each category.

New this year!!! We have a new category: Celtic – Romantic fiction set in any time period and in any location, but MUST have a Celtic theme (Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Cornish, Bretons, Isle of Man). Please specify your time period and setting in your entry.

Final Round Judges:

FF&P: Laura Bradford – Bradford Literary Agency
Contemporary: Lois Winston – Ashley Grayson Literary Agency
Romantic Suspense: Leis Pederson – Berkley/Jove
Historical: Esi Sogah – Avon/Harper Collins
Celtic: Deb Werksman – Sourcebooks
Erotic: Diana Carlisle – TWRP

Entry Composition: Your entry must have the following:

A separate cover page which includes the author’s real name, address, telephone number(s), e-mail address, submission title, category and manuscript word count should be submitted in text of the e-mail. Do not include the cover page in the same attachment as your manuscript and synopsis. The manuscript and synopsis will be sent together as one document as an attachment.

The beginning of your manuscript, including prologue, cannot exceed thirty(30)pages. Standard manuscript format must be followed: 1� margins, double spaced in a standard font and size that gives 24-26 lines per page. We will not accept entries that have italicized, colored, or designer fonts. DO NOT INCLUDE YOUR NAME ON THE MANUSCRIPT. See ENTRY FORMAT.

The synopsis must be included with the same file attachment as the manuscript, must be double spaced and is not to exceed five (5) pages. Do not send the synopsis in a separate attachment. Whether the synopsis is at the beginning or the end of your entry, it should start and end as though it were separate from your manuscript. Any entry that contains a single spaced synopsis and/or begins or ends on the same page as the manuscript will be refused and sent back for correction. The synopsis will be scored.

NOTE: Your entry, which includes the synopsis must not exceed thirty- five (35) pages total. ANY MANUSCRIPT, OR SYNOPSIS THAT DOES NOT FOLLOW THE RULES SET DOWN HERE WILL BE REFUSED AND YOUR ENTRY WILL BE RETURNED SO THAT YOU CAN CORRECT IT. However, our deadline still stands; corrected manuscripts will need to be returned by the midnight deadline on June 1, 2009 to be valid.

Entry Format: Standard manuscript and synopsis format, double-spaced, 12-point readable font, twenty-six (26) lines maximum per page, minimum 1″ margins all around. Only the TITLE of the manuscript, the category, and any subcategory should be placed on the top left hand side of the entry. The PAGE NUMBER should be on the top right hand side. IF THE NAME OF THE AUTHOR(S) APPEARS ANYWHERE ON THE MANUSCRIPT OR SYNOPSIS, THE ENTRY WILL BE DISQUALIFIED AND THE ENTRY FEE WILL NOT BE RETURNED.

Important: Manuscript and synopsis must be in a .doc or .rtf file.

Awards:

The FIRST PLACE winner in each category will receive a golden Claddaugh pin.
The SECOND PLACE winner in each category will receive a silver Claddaugh pin.
The THIRD PLACE winner in each category will receive a bronze Claddaugh pin.
All winners will receive certificates and icons to place on their websites.

For questions please contact the contest chair, Eliza Knight at: writer@elizaknight.com

Penutty that is! Today I’m featuring a fudge classic: Peanut Butter fudge. I am a total peanut butter junkie. Put it in fudge, and I’m in heaven. DELICI-O-SO GOOD! Yummy!

Peanut Butter Fudge 

Ingredients

4 c. white sugar
1 (12 fluid ounce) can evaporated milk
1c. butter
1 c. crunchy peanut butter
1 (7 ounce) jar marshmallow creme
Some butter to grease the baking dish and saucepan

Directions:

Butter a 9×13 inch baking dish and set aside. Butter a 3-quart saucepan.

Place buttered saucepan over medium heat, and combine sugar, evaporated milk and butter within. Heat to between 234 and 240 degrees F (112 to 116 degrees C), or until a small amount of syrup dropped into cold water forms a soft ball that flattens when removed from the water and placed on a flat surface.

Remove from heat and stir in peanut butter and marshmallow creme. Beat vigorously until smooth. Pour quickly into prepared baking dish. Let cool completely before cutting into squares.

Well, it’s Wednesday and I’m still trying to get myself on track. I know I’m a little late today in posting my ever so weird Wednesday picture. Frankly, this picture reminds me of how I feel. TIRED. But there’s no way in H-E-Double hockey sticks that I am going to even attempt to sleep in a bed like this. You all know the drill. Leave your captions in the comments and, as always, HAVE FUN!

Here’s my attempt:

If the bed don’t fit, you must acquit…

Okay, that’s terribly lame I know. But, remember I told you all I was tired.

Let’s see what everyone else can come up with

Take care!
Arianna

A while back, we had a challenge on the FanLit Forever site where we were supposed to write a short story based on a photo. I reread what I wrote and nearly peed my pants because I laughed so hard. I’ve decided to share the photo and my story with you all. It’s been a hard week for me this past week. I lost my Grandmother of 96 years early Monday morning. But you know what they say, laughter is the best medicine. So here it is. Enjoy!

An Absolut Mess

An Absolutely Messed Up Fairy Tale by Arianna Skye (or is it Skyy?)

“You will marry Prince Leonardo Von Absolut, and that is final.” Belden Feldspar slammed his fist on the heavy oak of his desk.

Jaylenne Feldspar stood firm in her resolve, her features etched in a stoic glare. “Prince Leonardo Von Absolut is an absolute jackass. He is a pompous poopie-head who only cares about himself.” She huffed. “I heard he has twenty people on his staff just for putting shoes on his oafish feet.”

“Milady,” her maid interrupted. “His Royal Highness is not an oaf. He is rather sexy.”

Blasted Kianne. She was much too outspoken for a maid. “I don’t doubt his sexiness, Kianne. I doubt his other attributes.”

Kianne giggled and blushed. “I’ve heard good things about his other attributes.”

“Kianne, I was referring—” Jaylenne’s eyes widened. “Really?” She shook her head and admonished herself. What was she doing? Her father was right there, listening. “Uhh, Kianne, can you excuse yourself for a few minutes while my father and I discuss the wedding I am not going to have?”

Kianne nodded and bowed meekly. “As you wish, milady.” She turned and quietly left the room the room, shutting the door behind her.

“Why does the prince want to marry me?” Jaylenne asked. The pale jade gossamer of her skirts swished as she paced her father’s bearskin rug.

“Does it matter?” her father replied. “He is Prince of Farsidia. That is reason enough.”

Jaylenne rolled her eyes. “Well as far as I recall, a woman still has a choice of her mate. Send Prince Leonardo Von Absolut my answer, which will be a big fat NO. And make sure to capitalize the N and O.” She crossed her arms across her chest and gave her father an angry glare.

“Jaylenne Feldspar, you and I both know you have not had your ceremony yet. Until then you are not a woman , but a girl.”

Blasted rites of this backwards country. She was twenty summers, well past the normal ceremonial age. She stomped her foot and stuck out her lip in a pout. The longer he held off her ceremony, the longer he could keep her under his wing—as a girl.

“I don’t need no stinking ceremony. I am a woman, whether you like it or not.” She turned and stormed out the room, slamming the door behind her. With chin held high, she stalked toward the stairs and to her personal chambers.

Kianne sat at the window sill, mending the hem of Jaylenne’s riding habit. “You really don’t want to marry the prince?” she asked with wide eyes.

Jaylenne hated the superficiality of this kingdom. It made her want to retch. “No.”

She stalked over to her desk and picked up the package that had just arrived. It was from that pompous prig of a prince. She was tempted to have the courier send it back, but curiosity got the best of her. She ripped open the paper.

What the Hades was this? She gazed upon the portrait of Prince Leonardo Von Absolut—complete with autograph—with eyes wide with shock. It confirmed all her previous convictions. The man was handsome, but conceited. His portrait said it all. He was lounging upon an expansive bed, pristine white blankets billowing about his muscular body. His tousled sun-kissed tresses pooled about a handsome well chiseled face, and the blue seas of his eyes sparkled with mischief. A smile that said, “come hither” swept from cheek to cheek. Not a piece of clothing covered his magnificent body. Thank goodness, the Absolut family challis rested in a strategic position, leaving what hid behind it to her imagination. Not that she wanted to imagine it at all. Who was she fooling? Of course, she wanted to imagine it. From the size of that gaudy gold jewel gilt cup, his hidden package was rather massive.

Blasted men, she thought angrily. “See what I mean?” she said, tossing the portrait to the ground, right in front of Kianne. “Arrogant as Hades.”

Kianne laughed. “Yes, but very nice to look at, no?” She finished the hem and reached over to retrieve the portrait. “Hmm, why is it this painting resembles another one I have seen before?”

Jaylenne glared. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Did we not take a vacation this spring? To Cancunia?” Kianne grinned. “Your first fling away from your parents?”

And the reason she had not had her Ceremony yet. Blasted paparazzi!

“’Twas dry brushed,” Jaylenne said with a sigh, remembering the painting that circulated across the kingdoms. She was holding a tankard of ale in each hand, and another tankard was positioned in a similar strategic location as the prince’s portrait. As if she would really drink something that tasted like horse-piss.

Blast those heathens at “Damsels Gone Wanton.”

She should really get a barrister and sue their arses for slander. Her mind was made up. She would NOT marry Prince Leonardo Von Absolut. Nothing anyone could say or do would change her mind.

* * * *

“I will marry Jaylenne Spaulding.” Prince Leonardo Von Absolut said with a grin. “She holds a tankard well.” He traced along the painting with the tip of his finger.

“Your Highness, the royal robe?” Huey Duckie, his trusty what-ever-it-was-he-was, asked.
Leonardo shook his head, delighting in the feel of his luxurious gold flecked shoulder length tresses flipping about his face.

“Harold, does this Jemima Sparkles welcome my proposal?” He perused the beautiful image in the mirror, flexing his biceps and quads. Damn, I’m one hot prince, he thought. He wouldn’t hesitate to do himself if he were a woman. He twitched his pectoral muscles up and down.

“Her surname is Feldspar, Your Highness, and I’m Huey.”

“Feildspore? Sounds like an infectious disease.” Leonardo wrinkled his beautiful patrician nose. “With a name like that, she’ll be begging to be my wife.” He looked down at his above-average-size dinghy. He was certain that certain portion of his anatomy would sweeten the deal. He turned and plopped upon the royal settee, allowing Sir Ding-A-Ling to flop to his side. “Hubert, fetch me my challis and call for the palace portrait painter. I shall send Lady Jaybird Freespirit another gift.”

“I will summon my brother immediately.”

“Doofus is your brother?” Leonardo asked, plopping a succulent grape into his perfectly molded lips.

“Dewey, Your Highness.”

“Doogie? Like the physician child?” Leonardo scratched his head in confused thought. He cursed the day his mother, the Queen, dropped him on his head. It was only two weeks ago.

“No, Dewey, D-E-W-E-Y, like the Dewey decimal system, a catalog system used by Earth people to catalog library books.”

Leonardo shrugged. “I don’t like to read, unless it has pictures, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s too bad, Your Highness.” Huey smiled. “I’ve been told Lady Jaylenne is an avid reader.”

“Perhaps I shall try and read.” He waltzed over to his bookshelf and pulled out the first book he could find. And the author’s name was almost similar, well the first name at least. “So is this War and Peace any good?”

Hughy—or was it Huey?—coughed. “It’s a little above your reading level. He pulled another book from the shelf—The Adventures of Dick and Jane. Did this guy really think he was that dumb? If he did, then his plan had succeeded.

“I read Dork and June already,” Leonardo said as he traced his perfectly manicured finger across the row of books. “Oh, this looks interesting,” he said, shaking the book in Huey’s duck-like face.

Huey grabbed the book and gazed at the cover. A scantily clad woman with bosoms popping out of her corset was grabbing the white billowing shirt of a man, exposing a broad muscled chest. He perused the inside. “This is a romance novel, Your Highness.”

Leonardo grinned. “If what’s inside is as nice as that picture, I’m sure I’ll love it.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“There are no pictures inside, Your Highness.”

Leonardo sighed. “Oh pooh,” he said. “I still want to read it.” He ripped the book from Huey’s webbed hands.

A loud rumble rolled through Leonardo’s stomach. “The Royal Stomach hath spoken. Have Luigi bring me my dinner.”

“Louie,” Huey replied.

“Whatever, have my dinner brought up.”

Huey rolled his eyes and exited. Why did Huey always do that to him?

Of course he knew why Huey rolled his eyes. These brothers were all about a conspiracy to drive him insane and declare him unfit to be king. They never thought that he would turn his eye to Jaylenne. Ah… he wasn’t as dumb as all these Duckies thought he was.

Jaylenne— he knew she was no innocent, no matter how much she fussed over the paparazzi and their devious tactics. He had been there—seen her—banged her—in Cancunia. Not as prince Leonardo but as Squire Ferdinand No Num. He had tasted her sweet nectar more than once, had delighted in every inch of her voluptuous body, and had felt her glorious release as he spilled his seed in her quivering sheath. He could still feel her shuddering beneath him as he pumped in and out of her like a piston. He knew not what a piston was, but it sounded appropriate.

It was shortly after, that he commissioned her portrait, wanting something to remember her by. Unfortunately, it had accidentally been released to the bards of the realm.

If only he could get her in the dark again and his tongues on her sweet tantalizing body, she would marry him without hesitation. She, in fact, would be begging Prince Leonardo Von Absolut, not Squire Ferdinand No Num, as she arched her back off the satin sheets. He had already spoken to her father about their little indiscretion, and he more than agreed to offer Jaylenne in marriage. Perhaps daddy, would agree to a wee underhanded trickery, himself?

* * * *

Jaylenne sighed, staring at Prince Leonardo Von Absolut’s portrait. His eyes, they seemed familiar. She lied back in the delicate porcelain tub and let the aroma of vanilla and lavender soak within her aura. Now that she had time to relax, she reflected more on his photo. Where had she seen Prince Leonardo Von Absolut before?

“If only Squire Ferdinand No Num were here,” Jaylenne said aloud. He would know what to do. No one had ever made her feel that way before. He was well versed in the art of Tantric Massage and another book he had stolen from the Earth people called, “Kama Sutra” She thanked the gourds she had been born with two sets of joints. It drove Squire Ferdinand No Num nuts when she put both her legs behind her head.

She must find him. He was the only man for her. Only he could make her quiver, especially when he hummed “I’m Too Sexy” against her flowery folds.

Her mind was settled. She must escape. Where would she go? Would he still be in Cancunia? No, that would be insane, traipsing across the galaxy in search of pleasure. Then again, Ferdie did do that thing with her toes, and, of course, there was the other at the back of her knees, and oh, who could forget the way he….hmm. She giggled. How could she forget the silly little dance he did around the sombrero when he drank Josenia Cuervonia out of that gaudy challis he always seemed to tote around.

The challis! How could she have not recognized it before? Was she really that inebriated not to notice before? And why hadn’t Kianne, who attended her during her excursion to Cancunia, not said anything?

It was all starting to make sense now. “Kianne!”

Kianne appeared in the doorway. “Yes milady?”

“Inform my father that I will not be marrying the prince.” She smiled, watching Kianne shake her head. “I am in love with Squire Ferdinand No Num.”

Kianne gasped. “Milady, have you gone mad?”

“I am saner than the sanest psychopaths.” Jaylenne flung her water drenched locks from her face. “Prepare my bags. I leave for Cancunia—tonight.”

“But Prince Leonardo,” Kianne replied in too meek of a voice, “has already arrived. He demands an audience at once.”

“Well give him an audience then, with the prompter box included. I’m sure the Prince’s sense of humor is as good as his taste in art.” This whole situation was as about as humorous as getting a tooth pulled. She would be darned if she would let Prince Leonardo Von Absolut make a fool of her again. “I am going to Cancunia. I only want Squire Ferdinand No Num. He is the only one who can make my body do the Macarena.”

Leonardo was not one to eavesdrop, but it was hard to ignore Jaylenne’s sweet seductive voice carrying from the room. She loves me! Leonardo jumped with glee. Well not really him, but when she found out he was Squire Ferdinand, she would be screaming his name—Prince Leonardo Von Absolut— in five different tongues, all the while he used all five of his tongues on her. With a grin, Leonardo poked out his tongues—all five of them. She would not be able to refuse.

He must hurry—before she zapped herself to Cancunia. With a purposeful stride, he burst into the room. Jaylenne sat in the tub in naked splendor, just as he remembered in Cancunia. Rivulets of water splashed down the swell of a perfectly rounded breast. Her long golden hair, although damp, draped across the other breast, just as perfectly rounded. He loved breasts that were perfectly rounded. Most other women of the realm had cha-cha’s the size of cantaloupes that hung to their knees—breasts so heavy that these damsels (if he could really refer to the women of this realm as damsels) put the hunchback of Notre Dame to shame.

“Leave my chamber at once!” Jaylenne demanded, trying to cover her boobs with her hands. The water and bubbles splashed in tantalizing splendor about her.

“No,” Leonardo said, with a wide grin. He ripped off his tunic and breeches and wiggled his package in front of her. “I know you’ve missed this… and this…” He stuck out all five tongues and swirled them about suggestively. He dove in the tub, not waiting for her to refuse.

Jaylenne squealed as she splashed around the tub, attempting to push him out. She pounded on Leonardo’s chest. “You arrogant fool!” Her beautiful jade jeweled orbs flared as the lingering lavender aroma wafted from her bodacious body. “You expect me to marry you after you’ve deceived me?”

Leonardo gave her his best puppy-dog-eyes look. He traced his finger down the contour of his cheek. “Aww baby, I wanted you to love me for who I am, not what I am. I wanted you to love the man, not the prince.”

Jaylenne’s eyes narrowed into tiny slits. “You expect me to believe this prattle. This isn’t a romance novel, you know.”

“On the contrary,” Leonardo said. “Look around you, babycakes. Do you not see all those words?”

Jaylenne looked around and turned the pages. “Well that’s one messed up romance, if you ask me.”

Prince Leonardo Von Absolut smiled and took Jaylenne Feldspar into his arms as the water splashed about them. “It may be a messed up romance, but it’s our romance. And I really want our Happily Ever After.”

“Oh Leonardo!” Jaylenne exclaimed. “I love you!”

Leonardo jumped for joy causing the bubbles to fly in the air. “I love you too, baby!” And he didn’t even need to use his five tongues for her to say those magic words!

And they lived happily ever after—in their Absolut Mess
EL FIN
(Thank God)

Leche Quemada (“Burnt Milk Fudge”) is a Mexican caramel-like candy that is very popular in Texas. Because Tuesday is Cinco del Mayo, I thought it would be a perfect time to showcase this delicious treat.

Leche Quemada (Burnt Milk Fudge)

Ingredients:

5 lb. sugar
4 12-oz cans evaporated milk
1 12-oz can evaporated goat’s milk (or substitute evaporated milk)
2 c. light corn syrup
1 tbsp. salt
1 tbsp. Mexican vanilla extract
4 tbsp. butter
1 c. pecans (optional)

Directions:

Put sugar, evaporated milk, evaporated goat’s milk, corn syrup and salt in a large heavy pot. Attach a candy thermometer to the pot. Cook on medium-low heat for 1 hour, stirring often with a wooden spoon. The temperature should rise slowly but steadily. Increase heat to medium-high and cook, stirring constantly, for 20 minutes. Increase heat to high and cook, again, stirring constantly–make sure to scrape the burned bits off the bottom as they develop–until the the temperature reaches 245 degrees. Immediately remove pot from heat, stir in vanilla and butter and continue to stir mixture occasionally as it cools.

When the candy cools to 180 degrees, stir in pecans (optional) and transfer to a buttered 9 x 12″ baking pan. Cool slightly, cutting into bars while still pliable. Cool completely before serving.

Happy Cinco Del Mayo everyone!

Arianna